Growing up Protestant
Before I attempt to explain my current predicament, I should give you a bit of background information. My grandparents left the Catholic Church before I was born. I was raised Protestant, and I can’t even begin to describe how blessed I am to have a family as wonderful as mine. Though I am now beginning to question some of the fundamental tenets of Protestantism, I must make it undoubtedly clear that my family did teach me the most important thing I could ever learn: they taught me that Jesus is not only real, but that He loves me. As a result of understanding His love for me, I fell in love with Him in return.
The winds of life have carried me many places—both good and bad—but my family, particularly my grandfather, has always been my anchor. I don’t mean to offend the rest of my family by highlighting my grandfather, but I believe they would agree that he is the head of the family. At least, that's how I've always perceived things.
Even though my grandfather is our family's “rock,” each member has taught me something invaluable. My grandmother, or my nanny, as I like to call her, has shown me how to love the poorest and weakest among us. She has shown me how to stand up for what I believe in, even when no one else stands with me. My Mom has shown me how to be totally selfless and to love your children utterly. My grandfather has shown me how to be prudent and wise, how to stay rooted in the Lord and the scriptures—even though the world constantly does its best to tear me from that ground.
As is clear from the title of this piece, I am considering Catholicism. But before I pursue that idea any further, I first want to say that I do not view the Protestant faith as altogether bad – nothing could be further from the truth. The things I have learned from the Protestant faith are priceless. For example, Protestants have a great understanding of the power of the Lord’s grace and mercy--something which is very hard for many people to fully accept. Yet I truly know that without the Lord’s grace and mercy I am hopeless. I can thank my Protestant ministers for this deep understanding.
I have also come to live in awe of the pure saving power of the blood of Jesus. I know that without His blood I cannot be saved. I have come to adore the power and mystery of the cross, along with the shedding of His holy blood. I can thank Protestantism for this insight as well.
I have learned what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I have learned that Jesus alone can save me. I have learned what it means to walk with him, and talk with him. I can thank Protestants for this experience.
I have learned the power of reading his Word. I have learned the scriptures backwards and forwards. I have learned the importance of reading the Bible daily. For this, too, I can thank my Protestant teachers.
Examining all things
So, you are probably wondering, what's the problem then?
The problem, if it is a problem at all, is this: despite all the great things I have learned and experienced as a Protestant, I am beginning to feel called to something else. I am feeling myself called into the Catholic Church.
When this thought first crossed my mind, I totally shrugged it off. I knew that my family had been there and done that, and had still chosen to leave. For a long while, that was all the proof I needed in order to be convinced that the Catholic Church was definitely the wrong place to be. So I attempted to just move beyond the thought.
However, my heart and mind were continually brought back to the Catholic Church. I began to try to learn more. My time working in the pro-life movement has led me to befriend many Catholics, and my political work has led me to an organization called the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, which has introduced me to such great Catholic authors as GK Chesterton, Russell Kirk, and John Paul II.
I just can’t stop thinking that there is something in the Catholic Church that I am missing out on. When I look at the Church, I see something beautiful. I see a reverence for the Lord and all his mystery that I do not see in the Protestant churches. I see a unity and a deep connection among all the Church’s members that I do not see in the Protestant churches. I see order and continuity there, whereas I often find Protestants to be quarreling and divided about what they truly believe. I see tradition and history.
I used to think, as a Protestant, that I knew something Catholics didn’t. Almost arrogantly, I thought I was free of all the legalistic rituals and sacraments. I pitied Catholics for being bound by such things, and I would think, “Oh, if only they could be free to really know and love the Lord the way I do, they would be so much happier.”
I no longer think or feel that way, and I am grateful.
I am now at a crossroads. I am not confident about which road to take. I know I have several disagreements with Protestant doctrine, and I know I am still leery of much Catholic doctrine. However, I know the Lord is commanding me to continue searching. After all, Paul told us, in 1 Thessalonians, to “examine all things.”
